When I started researching my need for novelty and change, the first thing I came across was an article titled “Are you addicted to change? 9 signs you have to slow down.” And my response to that was:

OH FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Apart from the fact I hate being told what I ‘have’ to do, I’m also sick of being warned my life choices are wrong because I’ll miss out on all the things society deems necessary. If I like change so much, how will I commit to a husband ’til death do us part? Raise healthy children to adulthood? Get a full-time job and stay in it until I’m 70? So that I can pay off that 30-year mortgage?

And my response to that is: I guess I won’t! Then without a lick of remorse I’ll jump in my van and drive off to my next destination, laughing my ass off.

If I were to plot a colour-coded graph of my mental health over the past 20 years, you’d see some very distinct patterns. I can be happy in one place for about 6–9 months. Beyond that, the longer I stay, the sadder I get. The sadder I get the more my unhealthy addictions surface, and over time that has appeared as drinking, prescription and recreational drugs, and sex with emotionally unavailable men. This hastens the onset of depression, which leads to more of those behaviours, until somewhere in the midst of rock bottom I somehow find my way to upping and leaving.

Sometimes I’ve left because circumstances have forced me into it, and sometimes I’ve had the insight to understand how bad things were and made an intentional choice or grabbed an opportunity that appeared. Either way, the moment I jump in the car or hop on a plane, it’s like the clouds part, angels sing to me and I magically notice an immediate return of inspiration, optimism, and excitement. Suddenly, happiness is within my grasp, I no longer need to numb out with my addictions, and everything is just fine.

I’ve spent much of my life feeling ashamed of my ‘failure’ to achieve life goals. I struggle to stay in ‘normal’ jobs and relationships longer than a year, and frankly I’m usually ready to leave after about three months. I’ve never been happy for long in a romantic partnership, I’ve never felt maternal and have now had my tubes tied, and I can’t seem to settle down in any given town or city. I spent 12 years overseas in 30 different countries, and have been travelling around Australia in a van for the past two.

“You can’t run away forever,” people chide me, which used to add to my shame. The question I have now is… why is what I’m doing ‘running away’ and what you’re doing ‘normal’? What if I went around telling people “You can’t just stagnate in one place forever!” Or when they asked me “What are you running from?” I countered with “What false sense of security are you clinging to?”

If I had one regret, it would be that I’ve wasted so much time failing at being ‘normal’ rather than putting my energy into an authentic solo nomadic life, full of the independence, change and novelty I love. Maybe, we don’t need to pathologise itinerant tendencies and novelty seeking as ‘running away’ or ‘an addiction’. Maybe, we can just accept that for some people, this IS normal. This is what makes us happy. When someone is stressed because their life is unstable, nobody accuses them of being ‘addicted to stability’, so why are change-lovers so hastily tarred with this brush?

And don’t confuse my need for novelty with unreliability or irresponsibility. In my online work I’ve never once missed a deadline, and as an online student I boast a full array of High Distinctions. I have close and meaningful friendships in different places and value my connections and relationships with other people. All the research I did on ‘novelty seeking’ and ‘neophilia’ was full of warnings. Warning: This may be bad if you have to present a consistent appearance in your job! Warning: This may be bad if you have to abide by someone else’s rules! Warning: You could be more prone to infidelity! Warning: People high in novelty seeking are more likely to develop substance use disorders!

My thoughts on that are: If we stop trying to fit into jobs that don’t suit us, abide by so many rules laid down by others and cram ourselves into traditional monogamous relationship styles, maybe we wouldn’t be driven to seek escapism through substance abuse. How many of these warnings would become irrelevant if we supported people to be who they are instead of shaming them as ‘running away’ and labelling their lifestyle as an addiction?

And honestly, if you’ve ever shamed someone for their adventurous lifestyle… is it possible you might be… just a tiny bit jealous?